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Post by Breakaway on May 25, 2011 21:23:16 GMT -5
Breakaway is awesome at friendship, just like he is at everything else. Stick with Breakaway, Mayday, and someday, you may be as awesome as he is.
"I don't care who wins. Strategy isn't really my thing, either." You're talking to a 'bot whose idea of a strategy is 'fly really fast in a straight line,' Mayday. "Besides, strategy games are notoriously difficult to port to a console," he adds. Blinking, he says, "I forget where I heard that. Okay, so not Space War, then. How about this one?" he asks, pointing at Build-a-Puppy. "Just for laughs."
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Post by Mayday/Maddox Wayne on May 27, 2011 19:47:26 GMT -5
Mayday contemplates the Build-a-Puppy game with a rather comically serious expression considering the subject matter. "Designing organics? That's kind of weird."
On the other hand, it doesn't seem to be a competitive game like most of the other options, with the simple goal of customizing a puppy and then letting it loose in a puppy park to play co-operative mini-games with your friend's puppies. That means there's no pressure, right? Unlike certain games involving hypothetically lynching your coworkers.
He shrugs. "Yeah, actually, sure, why not?"
Starting up the game, the pair are subjected to an almost obnoxiously cute and sweet opening sequence involving swarms of huge-eyed puppies of all different shapes, colours, and sizes romping about performing adorable puppy actions such as rolling around, wagging their little tails, chewing each other's ears, and wetting pieces of newspaper. Mayday is far more disturbed by the last one than charmed.
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Post by Breakaway on May 28, 2011 11:40:41 GMT -5
Breakaway will find a way to make it competitive, Mayday, don't worry. Otherwise what fun would it be?
The jetformer is similarly disturbed by the paperwetting. "Wait, why would they want to simulate that? That's the least pleasant part of pet ownership. If you're going to include that in the game, you may as well just have an actual puppy. I remember back in flight school we had a mechavioid as our mascot and cleaning up after it wasn't exactly fun," he comments as the game starts. "We want two-player mode, I guess," he adds, selecting that option. The screen splits in two, which is accomplished by adorable puppies pulling it apart from either end, leaving each player with a seperate puppy creation screen.
"Aw, I can't set the fur color to blue?" Breakaway asks, crestfallen.
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Post by Mayday/Maddox Wayne on May 30, 2011 22:14:44 GMT -5
Relaxing fun, is what it would be! What does Breakaway have against relaxation?
Then again, puppy-building is more bemusing than relaxing, really. Mayday shakes his head as the strange cinematic finishes up. "Organics are weird."
He starts fiddling with the customization options. Let's see, Fluffiness, Slobberiness, Leg-Thickness-to-Paw-Size ratio, Tail Waggliness, Eye Size... Hmm, bigger eyes means cuter, right? There's some physical law about that, isn't there? He starts dialing up the size on his puppy's eyes.
"Guess not," he says to Breakaway, looking over at his side of the screen. "Can those, uh, human-thingies see that part of the spectrum?" He's never encountered a human before! He hasn't even really had contact with the Nebulans on board.
Looking back at his side of the screen, he squeals in horror. The eyes on that puppy! They just keep getting bigger and bigger! They're each large than its skull at this point! Is there no preset size cap?! "I-it's monstrous! Mooonstroooous!"
And Mayday is overdramatic.
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Post by Breakaway on Jun 2, 2011 20:33:12 GMT -5
Breakaway relaxes when he defrags.
"They're squishy, but some of them can be pretty cool. Organics, I mean. Well, humans, anyway. I haven't really met many other organics besides them, except on Pz-Zazz. Humans can see light from around 390 to 750 nanometers in wavelength. So yes. I don't think dogs actually come in that color, but I wanted to make mine blue," Breakaway explains.
Instead of fiddling with the various customization options, the jetformer first opens Breed Selection. "Hm. Should I get the Dackoond or the Corgi?" Breakaway likes long puppies with tiny legs, and does not have German language packs installed. He looks over at Mayday's half of the screen. "It would be hilarious to see that running around in the simulation with those eyes."
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Post by Mayday/Maddox Wayne on Jun 5, 2011 20:45:15 GMT -5
"Hmmm." Mayday will continue to believe humans are weird until he meets them himself. After which he'll probably still think they're weird, especially if exposure to the internet is involved. "Can't you just paint it blue?"
Looking over at Breakaway's side of the screen, he considers the question. "I dunno, the, uh... Dask-hund? Sounds more interesting, I guess?"
Turning back to his own monstrosity, he eyes it appraisingly. Part of him wants to try and engineer the perfect puppy, despite the fact that he doesn't really know what that entails. On the other hand, Breakaway is amused by his monster-puppy! And being able to entertain a friend seems like a pretty neat thing to do.
New objective: make the most ridiculous puppy ever! Freakishly bulging eyes are go, so he'll just make its paws almost impossibly tiny, stretch out its legs as high as possibly, give it a fat, round body, ramp up fluffiness factor to maximum, and make its tail so waggy it could be mistaken for a propeller!
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Post by Breakaway on Jun 5, 2011 21:44:34 GMT -5
The Transformers of Breakaway's reality learned Earth's languages from the world-wide web. He has seen things, horrible things. Things which cannot be unseen. "There's no option. It's all earth-tones. I guess I'll try and make it camo," he responds, proceeding to outfit his weiner dog in a passable imitation of a camouflage pattern in various shades of brown.
He sets the Fluffiness meter way down, creating a shorthaired Dachshund. The jetformer plays with the Slobberiness slider for a while though, because he enjoys seeing the puppy's tongue protrude farther out of its mouth, drooling, and then retract. He sets eye size way down, so he can name the dog 'Squinty' and then randomizes all the other options before glancing back at what Mayday is doing and snorting.
"Okay, now it's monstrous."
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Post by Mayday/Maddox Wayne on Jun 7, 2011 11:06:40 GMT -5
"No imagination for colour, I guess," Mayday says, making baseless assumptions about species he knows nothing about. Really though, blue is an awesome colour. Who in their right mind wouldn't allow someone to make a puppy blue? Realism is for games that don't allow you to make monster puppies!
Completing his masterpiece with a protruding tongue and inputting the name 'Monstro' for his horror in puppy form, Mayday grins at Breakaway. "What has been created cannot be... uh. Uncreated! Mwa-ah-ah-ah!"
His evil laugh could probably use some work. Or a lot of work. Giving a nervous 'ahem', he asks, "So, your, uh, Datch-shunned ready to go?"
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Post by Breakaway on Jun 8, 2011 21:22:57 GMT -5
Maybe unrealistic colors are downloadable content.
"Your evil laugh needs work, Mayday. Oh, speaking of evil laughs, I heard you fought Starscream when the 'Cons boarded the bridge. Way to go! And yeah, Squinty is all ready to go and do whatever it is you do in this game. Wait, no! Lemme just change one thing," he insists, making a quick adjustment to Tail Waggliness, so the dog looks happier.
"Okay, let's do this," he says, in the tone of voice one usually uses for 'lock and load, gentlemen.'
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Post by Mayday/Maddox Wayne on Jun 10, 2011 16:31:28 GMT -5
"Ahahaha, fought. Right. I guess you call it that," Mayday says in a voice that makes it clear that he really doesn't think you can call it that. He also chooses not to make fun of Breakaway's name choices, though he does snicker a little at Squinty the Dachshund.
With both puppies inputted into the system, the game proceeds to attempt to wow them with an animation of Monstro and Squinty bouncing around each other and puppy wrestling. Monstro is a gruesome sight to behold, the game not quite knowing how to handle his bizarre proportions. His bulbous eyes frequently overlap with the body parts of his companion.
"Pfffahahaha." Mayday can't help but snort and laugh at the awkward display as the camera pulls out to show the entire digital dog park and its freakishly bright green grass. Activities begin to show up along the sides of the screen. Frisbee: Puppies vs. The Computer! Six-Legged Race! Scavenger hunt against other puppy teams! All this and more, and all designed to try and convince kids that co-operation is good and competing against your friends is bad! Not that being on the same team will stop anyone from competing to be MVP.
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Post by Breakaway on Jun 11, 2011 21:34:45 GMT -5
Breakaway fails to suppress a chuckle as the two malformed puppies play-wrestle.
He plays with the controls a bit, experimenting, and manages to get Squinty to wander off. Then the game takes over and a short cutscene plays. The jetformer mashes all the buttons, saying "Hey, why won't it let me move?" until the little movie finishes, and a dialog box proclaiming 'You have discovered 1/100 bugs' flashes onto the screen. He stares at it askance, then looks over at Mayday.
"How would a six-legged race even work? They have four legs."
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Post by Mayday/Maddox Wayne on Jun 13, 2011 21:01:18 GMT -5
Mayday gives the dialog box a thoroughly boggled look. "I... don't get it. Are they celebrating glitches in the programming of this thing?" What? That's the sort of bug that comes to his mind before the icky organic type!
"Uh, I don't know. Maybe they merge the puppies together? Like that, er, that thing. That those two guys do. The twin guys." Combiner puppies. They're all the rage. "I guess we can check it out..."
Flailing around with his controls as his figures out how exactly to select the option without sending Monstro on an incredibly awkward-looking romp. Turns out he was kind of right with the combining thing. Sort of. The scene shifts to a grassy racetrack, where Monstro stands, his incredibly long left legs tied to Squinty's stubby right legs. He stares at the screen for awhile. "Well that's, uh... low tech."
OOC: Uh, I hope you're not mad at me for kind of posing your puppy? :V
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Post by Breakaway on Jun 16, 2011 19:50:08 GMT -5
"Well, you're still alive to talk about it, that's what's important," the jetformer says, in reference to the earlier snippet of conversation they were having before Squinty wandered off.
"I think it means the other kind of bugs. Like Insecticons. Do you have Insecticons where you come from? Nasty little spies. There's nothing the 'Cons won't turn into a weapon," he says bitterly. "You mean Jetfire and Jetstorm? Organic combiners? That would be a weird transformation," he opines. He doesn't think he'd want to see an organic try to transform (all at once without a pupal stage). Their insides are squishy.
"Ooooh, they're tied together!" Breakaway exclaims as realization dawns. He leans forward to read the text on the screen, which is printed just slightly too small to read without leaning forward, as is obligatory. "So apparently we have to push our buttons at the same time, or the puppies will trip."
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Post by Mayday/Maddox Wayne on Jun 17, 2011 21:14:09 GMT -5
"Being alive is pretty nice," Mayday says with a weak chuckle. Now if they'd please just keep him out of potentially lethal altercations with Decepticons in the future...
He shakes his head at Breakaway's question about Insecticons, and proceeds to wonder why their puppies are collecting tiny spy creatures, then nods his head at the mention of Jetfire and Jetstorm. "Yeah, those guys." Then he proceeds to look mildly horrified as the full horror of an organic combiner sinks into his head.
Breakaway's exclamation draws him out of it with a shudder. "Wait what, buttons at the same time? Are we just supposed to guess?" If he bothered to lean forward in order to read the instructions, he'd realize that the screen will prompt them with what buttons they're supposed to press, but he's too busy fretting about being the worst button-pusher ever to do so.
He squawks when the game pans out to show their puppies lined up along the starting line along with three other randomly generated puppy pairs, and begins counting down with large, flashy numbers on the screen.
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Post by Breakaway on Jun 22, 2011 19:45:04 GMT -5
Sorry, Mayday, there's going to be more altercations with the Decepticons in the future. That's what Autobots do: wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons.
"Oh, what the slag!" Breakaway exclaims, pointing an accusatory finger at the screen. "How come the the AI can have a blue puppy?! I call pig iron!" he says, subsiding into discontented muttering as he poises his fingers over the buttons.
3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . GO!
The jetformer begins furiously mashing buttons as they appear on the screen. Will Mayday do the same? Will they win, or just stumble around like a pair of horribly deformed puppies tied together?
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