Post by Needlenose on May 30, 2008 19:04:04 GMT -5
Needlenose struts on stage, walking along the edge, nearest the audiance, like a runway model. He stops at the far end, then saunters back to the podium and strikes a pose, one foot nearer to the audiance, shoulders slightly back and tilted, right hand resting lightly at his hips. One might even imagine that he's positioned himself so as to glitter as much as possible beneath the lights, and one would be correct. Needlenose knows these things.
"Gentlemen," he announces loudly, smoothly. Oh, wait, there's that other gender around too, isn't there? "And ladies," he adds. "It seems I have been called upon to introduce the best original Decepticon. I must admit, this somewhat baffles me, because who could be more original than me? Why, time was, people would give their last drop of fuel for a Needlenose Original! But ah," and he waves it off. "I guess I must play along with this game!"
"So, this... utilitarian but drab little datachip they've provided me with tells me that the nominees are as follows:
"First, we have Duskwing, the Seeker. Now, let me tell you all, I am the last person to knock mass production, and the Seeker is a great design! A fine design. In fact, I even sported that build once! However, it is also out. Ancient! Yesterday's news! Wings are still in, but I tell you, this season's models? They're all sporting cone-downward designs and fusion reactor hybrids! Mark my words!
"Next, up is Eye-Fire. Eye-Fire. The guy who looks like Shockwave, only slightly less expressive. I do realize the large chested-look is considered a classic in some circles, but... Shockwave? Seriously! If I were you, Eye-Fire, I'd be looking at a redesign!
"Our third nominee is Fleetwind. Review all the previous comments about Seekers, and add to it the fact that Fleetwind is yellow, when all the hip and now Seekers are blue. Sorry, Fleets, but that's too strikes against you! And practicing a dead performance art doesn't help out either, darling. You should really look at modernizing your wardrobe and your free time, Fleetiekins!
"After that is... oh. Oh, I do not believe this one," Needlenose's nose scrunches up in a distaste that's also conveyed by his voice. "Oh. Right. We've got the ultimate in low budget wear, the gal who looks like her alt mode was put together by scraps from the nearest junk yard because it was, Screwdriver.
"And last, but not least (because Screwdriver's least), we have another Seeker. Skystrike, at least, has the good sense to be wearing this season's colors as he... erm... she? Goes for the silent femme fatale- erm, homme fatale? role, not to mention adding in a good does of oh-so-popular gender-ambiguity to help stir things up!"
"Gentlemen," he announces loudly, smoothly. Oh, wait, there's that other gender around too, isn't there? "And ladies," he adds. "It seems I have been called upon to introduce the best original Decepticon. I must admit, this somewhat baffles me, because who could be more original than me? Why, time was, people would give their last drop of fuel for a Needlenose Original! But ah," and he waves it off. "I guess I must play along with this game!"
"So, this... utilitarian but drab little datachip they've provided me with tells me that the nominees are as follows:
"First, we have Duskwing, the Seeker. Now, let me tell you all, I am the last person to knock mass production, and the Seeker is a great design! A fine design. In fact, I even sported that build once! However, it is also out. Ancient! Yesterday's news! Wings are still in, but I tell you, this season's models? They're all sporting cone-downward designs and fusion reactor hybrids! Mark my words!
"Next, up is Eye-Fire. Eye-Fire. The guy who looks like Shockwave, only slightly less expressive. I do realize the large chested-look is considered a classic in some circles, but... Shockwave? Seriously! If I were you, Eye-Fire, I'd be looking at a redesign!
"Our third nominee is Fleetwind. Review all the previous comments about Seekers, and add to it the fact that Fleetwind is yellow, when all the hip and now Seekers are blue. Sorry, Fleets, but that's too strikes against you! And practicing a dead performance art doesn't help out either, darling. You should really look at modernizing your wardrobe and your free time, Fleetiekins!
"After that is... oh. Oh, I do not believe this one," Needlenose's nose scrunches up in a distaste that's also conveyed by his voice. "Oh. Right. We've got the ultimate in low budget wear, the gal who looks like her alt mode was put together by scraps from the nearest junk yard because it was, Screwdriver.
"And last, but not least (because Screwdriver's least), we have another Seeker. Skystrike, at least, has the good sense to be wearing this season's colors as he... erm... she? Goes for the silent femme fatale- erm, homme fatale? role, not to mention adding in a good does of oh-so-popular gender-ambiguity to help stir things up!"