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Post by Perceptor on Nov 25, 2010 0:40:11 GMT -5
"Actually, in point of fact, I did not ask is there was anything 'wrong' with you. I asked if there was anything that you needed to explain to me, and then asked what happened," Perceptor corrects stiffly, his frown deepening.
Sentinel is all but admitting that he had suffered from significant mental and emotional trauma, presumably from his captivity in the asylum, and did not seek outside help. Selfishly, Perceptor considers that to be a failing upon his part; he had not been able to help in a real, meaninful manner, besides flushing Sentinel of the toxins and cleaning his systems.
"You do not owe us anything, Sentinel Prime. Being an Autobot is not indentured servitude," he observes quietly. "And I wish that..." that you had asked for help, rather than go to such extremes. But that's selfishness. Sentinel is correct.
"Several portions of your processor are completely unused, while other portions are drawing minimal current. As a result, your overall processor functions are significantly cooler in temperature than previous readings, which typically results in... in more efficient function of the unaltered components and programming."
"The reduction of emotional algorithms, however, may result in significantly altered prioritization and altered risk-benefit analysis sub-routines." It's one of his biggest beefs with Shockwave, in fact: the Decepticon's ability to view anyone and anything as nothing more than a possession or a tool.
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Post by Sentinel Prime on Nov 25, 2010 1:00:56 GMT -5
Perceptor's a scientist, not even a doctor, he said so himself, and certainly not a psychiatrist. He shouldn't beat himself up for not being everything to everyone!
"No. I do," Sentinel Prime correctly, and he lightly taps the badge on his chest, tracing out the wings idly with his forefinger. "This badge is a promise to stand for something." He mostly just treated it as a ticket to fame, fortune, and most of all, power, but that's not what it means. Sentinel Prime idly reflects that it makes him worse than someone who doesn't know or understand, that he knows the meaning and still ignores it, twists it for his own purposes. That should bother him. Maybe it will someday. "I made a choice. It was peacetime when I became an Autobot. I could have stayed a civilian."
But Sentinel Prime couldn't have, not really. He may not have been built a soldier, but he can't imagine not being one.
He agrees easily, too easily, "Sure, it could," but he adds, "and I don't think that's a bad thing. I'm afraid of organic life, you know? Hurts to admit it, but I think anyone who read that file I put up about Archa Seven can guess why. It's tolerable now. I can go in the biosphere and not feel like I'm going to blow a fanbelt." Sentinel Prime gives Perceptor a smile.
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Post by Perceptor on Nov 28, 2010 13:57:22 GMT -5
Perceptor listens to Sentinel's explanation, frowning to himself. "So... only those who choose to fight, in your reality, are Autobots? The rest are Neutrals?" he asks, trying to understand.
His frown deepens, though, and he shakes his head. "It is possible to slide too far to the opposite extreme, though, Sentinel," he replies, frustrated. Truthfully, he's more frustrated at having missed whatever had been ailing Sentinel to have encouraged him to do this to himself - for he believes what Sentinel has encouraged him to believe, if that is any comfort to the Elite Guardsmech - more than anything else. It is hard to argue against something that Sentinel seems to find useful for himself, but it just seems... so extreme!
"You... really prefer this? To be... to feel less?" he asks, still torn. "Fear is not always a negative emotion, Sentinel. Fear is useful in establishing limits that we should heed sometimes! And it is not merely fear that has been affected, but... but all of your emotional subroutines! Fear, yes, but love as well. Anger, compassion, everything is numbed, limited. There are negatives to this... to these adjustments. Have you really considered them all?" he asks. He does not, however, move to restrain or tamper with Sentinel or his still exposed processors.
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Post by Sentinel Prime on Nov 28, 2010 14:40:23 GMT -5
"You have to do military duty to be an Autobot. Now, that military duty might working in a laboratory to cook up new technology," Sentinel Prime admits, "But for me, it was always going to be soldiering," just like Ultra Magnus. "Everyone else is a civilian Cybertronian," or a Decepticon, but those guys are losers.
"And oh, I am all about this! That's where you're wrong, anyway. Fear, anger, hate - those took the worst of it. I'm as friendly as I ever was," which is not very, "and I have thought about the limits. Sure, thinking out what emotional response I should be having gets to be a pain, but this is worth it, a thousand times over, if only for the fact that I could look at that exhaust-fragger Oil Slick, at my trial, and want to hit him more than I wanted to run and hide."
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Post by Perceptor on Nov 28, 2010 15:28:33 GMT -5
Military duty to earn the right to be an Autobot. He'd read several human novels utilizing that premise, and none of them ended well for the populace at large in such an unbalanced society. But, that was neither here nor there. Or rather, it was there, and not here, rendering t moot.
And Sentinel... had seemed much easier to live with, in a metaphorical sense, lately. Although, if fear, anger, and hate had taken the worst brunt of the adjustment, it was only because those were the emotions in the highest use. Proportionally, though...
Of course, a given fraction of a small quantity would be smaller than that same given fraction of a much lager quantity. He is really debating this with Sentinel, isn't he? Sentinel, who wants to keep these adjustments. Who seems to enjoy his life better with them. Who has rights as a sapient individual to determine his own fate.
But, the former Sentinel had rights as a sapient individual to determine his own fate, as well. Of course, that Sentinel would have had to have wanted this, too, to have even gone through with the alterations.
"How did you manage to convince yourself to do this, then," he asks suspiciously, "if you were so afraid before? And when did you perform these adjustments to yourself?"
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Post by Sentinel Prime on Nov 28, 2010 16:03:19 GMT -5
Elita-1 really was just interested in pruning the parts of Sentinel Prime that make him act like a jerkaft. Unfortunately, that makes up the majority of him. He has triply redundant afthole subroutines, so that, just in case he misses putting his foot in the mouth on the first try, he'll be sure to get it in on the second go. She didn't do much, if anything, to his joy, trust, love, or compassion - he's just always been the kind who gets his kicks from seeing a rival brought low, he's always been more paranoid than trusting, he's never really wanted to let anyone in after he figured out how much it hurts when they go away, and he's never been the nicest guy. Elita-1 wanted her friend back, how he used to act, but the thing is, he was a derisive macho piston-head, even then. Just slightly more good-natured and a little less malicious.
Sentinel Prime smiles up at Perceptor, and he corrects, "Scared of organics, scared of chemicals now, but I'm not a coward. I can do what has to be done." They say suicide is painless. "This was just as easy as reaching for bottle of AnvilTM pain relief, anyway. Oh, you know, [Day 4]. Didn't want to waste time."
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Post by Perceptor on Nov 28, 2010 22:15:22 GMT -5
"I did not mean to imply that you were a coward, Sentinel," Perceptor replies. This all still smells of fouled fuel, but Perceptor is having a very hard time fingering exactly why, beyond his own sense of comfort with... well... taking a proverbial ice pick to one's emotional processes.
Pros: Sentinel feels more secure with the alterations. Sentinel prefers the alterations. Sentinel is easier to deal with since the alterations. The alterations have obviously not affected his combative ability. Sentinel is actually more functional since the alterations. Sentinel's processors actually run cooler and more efficiently since the alterations.
Cons: Certain of Sentinel's emotional centers are now numbed, forcing him to compute some reactions, rather than merely reacting.
Perceptor stares off blankly for long moments, trying to think of other cons, other arguments, and finds himself stymied.
"You... really prefer this? Genuinely and honestly?" he asks, hesitant, watching Sentinel's expression closely.
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Post by Sentinel Prime on Nov 28, 2010 22:35:44 GMT -5
"Others would," Sentinel Prime notes, slightly bitterly.
Sentinel Prime puts on the sincerest look he can manage, and he tries to reach and put a hand on Perceptor's shoulder, confirming, "Yes. I do."
He's pondered the ethics with himself. The old Sentinel Prime resisted. He didn't want this. However, this Sentinel Prime's here now, and he has a right to live, doesn't he? Why should he lay down his own life, which he's barely started to explore, for someone who was, by all accounts, so unpleasant that even his own so-called friend would take a metaphorical icepick to his processors? Sentinel Prime's not sure that he, either of him, would even lay down his life in the call of duty if the opportunity presented itself. He wants to live and enjoy Autobot society, not die for it!
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Post by Perceptor on Nov 28, 2010 22:58:08 GMT -5
"Then ignore them," Perceptor replies quietly with a small shrug. It is what he does, after all, and it has always worked in the past.
Mostly.
Laboring under the assumption that this is something that Sentinel had done to himself, and thus, had had input into the alterations upon every step of the way, and still desires them... Perceptor merely, finally, nods. "If that is your desire, then I shall abide by it," he observes. It still feels off to him, but... logically, it is the correct choice with the information that he has been provided. It is not what he would have chosen, but he is not Sentinel, nor Sentinel, he.
"Please come to see me, though, if you desire any further adjustments?" he asks, just a little wistfully. He is supposed to be taking care of everyone, not forcing themselves to take care of themselves, after all!
He sighs, and bends over Sentinel's still exposed cranium, checking for additional damage possibly inflicted by a random sharkticon or so. Nothing else seems out of place, save a few tiny dents in the plating, which he sets to right quickly enough, before stepping back and placing his tools upon the table again.
"For the record," he begins, his voice thoughtful as he nods for Sentinel to close his head back up, "as far as I am concerned, this is your business, and none others'."
In other words, Perceptor isn't planning on sharing this with anyone else.
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Post by Sentinel Prime on Nov 28, 2010 23:12:13 GMT -5
Sentinel Prime can't just ignore it when he's called out. He has to prove himself, over and over again.
He blusters, "Good, because it's my body and mind, I wouldn't want to need to have words with you about that. You seem like such a nice guy. So don't worry, sure thing, next time I feel the urge to take an icepick to my head, you'll be the first bot I talk to."
Sentinel Prime closes his head back up and slides his helmet back on, making sure everything clicks properly into place and feels as right as he ever does. That's better.
He casts a serious glance at Perceptor. "I appreciate that, I really do. I have enough problems on my plate without people treating me like some kind of freak."
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Post by Perceptor on Nov 28, 2010 23:22:55 GMT -5
Perceptor is relatively unphased by Sentinel's bluster; he merely stares down the Elite Guardsmech with a wry look. "And I am the most highly skilled medic that we possess at this time, and, your body or not, had I determined that your modifications were detrimental to your health, I would have repaired them anyway. There is a limit to the sovereignty of one's person when it comes to that same individual's well-being. It is merely that, in this case, both happen to coincide in a functional manner."
"However, I do appreciate your candor and agreeability," he adds wryly.
He turns and begins sorting his tools back into their places, casting an equally serious look back over his shoulder. "It is a medical issue, Sentinel. Though I may not officially have attended a medical training facility, I do understand the need for my patients' privacy."
"Do I need to speak with others from your reality about requesting assistance if they feel the urge to.... make similar adjustments? The twins? Elita? Mayday?" he asks, turning back with a concerned expression.
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Post by Sentinel Prime on Nov 29, 2010 0:06:23 GMT -5
Sentinel Prime keeps Perceptor's words in mind. They only confirm what he knew: that medics can't be trusted, not even nice medics, maybe especially not nice medics.
He smiles wanly and explains, "I don't think that will be necessary, Perceptor. They haven't been through what I have, and I wouldn't wish that torture on any of them."
Not even Optimus Prime, he finds. Sentinel Prime frowns at that thought, and he rationalises that he couldn't stand how Elita-1 would fuss and coo over Optimus Prime's wounds. Yes, that must be it. Just the old echoes of jealousy, rattling around in unused processors.
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Post by Perceptor on Nov 29, 2010 12:46:42 GMT -5
Perceptor flinches just a little bit, at Sentinel's rejoinder, blaming himself, yet again, for not having better served the Elite Guardsmech after his capture. He should have known, especially given the notes in the treatment folder, and the results of the chemoanalysis, that Sentinel would have needed further assistance. That a simple systems flush and detox would not be enough to set everything to rights.
As if it could be set to rights again, in the first place.
"Ah."
He busies himself for a few moments with pushing the small cart with his tools out of the way, and sorting through the paint supplies. There should be just enough of the proper shades to mix up Sentinel's particular shade of blue. Returning, he shakes the container, mixing the pigments with the protective clear finish, eying the color critically through the transparent lid. "That should be the correct shade now," he observes, nodding.
"You will need to let this dry and set before moving about too much, or else you will disturb the finish," he explains, pouring the contents into the reservoir of the airbrush he's also brought back with him. "But then you should be all set back to rights."
Well, as right as Perceptor is capable of making him.
Provided that Sentinel doesn't prevent him, he begins spraying on the new paint in thin, even strokes over the repairs and bare plating. "If there is... anything else that you require assistance with..." he offers hesitantly, trying to think of a tactful way of asking Sentinel to come to him for help, rather than thinking that he must rely only upon himself. "Please ask?"
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Post by Sentinel Prime on Nov 29, 2010 13:52:29 GMT -5
To try to segue out of the awkwardness, Sentinel Prime enthuses over the blue that Perceptor has cooked up, "Now that, buddy old pal, is a handsome shade of blue you've cooked up there, if I must say so myself."
He's the only one who would.
At Perceptor's offer of assistance, he just nods absently, thinking, and apropos of nothing, he comments, "Nice cannon, er, scope, I mean, you have up there. I'm tired. That's all."
Sentinel Prime plays it off as a slip, but that was entirely intentional. Now to see how Perceptor reacts.
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Post by Perceptor on Nov 29, 2010 14:10:34 GMT -5
"Well," Perceptor replies with a faint smile, "I do have a specialty in molecular chemistry. Pigment blending is, after all is said and done, merely an exercise in formulating the appropriate proportion of chemicals with the correct ratio of adherents and polymers. I would like to think that I am observant enough to detect the correct hue to exactly match your current aesthetics."
Or, in Perceptorese, "You're Welcome."
Perceptor glances up from his painting, tilting his head with a look of mild curiosity as he meets Sentinel's gaze. "It's primary function is that of visual enhancement - a microscope - however, I am able to utilize it in an offensive manner to produce a beam of concentrated photons of varying strengths, yes," he explains. "I am given to understand that such weaponized enhancements are not standard in your reality?"
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