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Post by Phobia/Pierce Fobster on Mar 3, 2012 19:07:32 GMT -5
The denial forms on his lips automatically and he opens his mouth and says, “Xavier, I-” before abruptly closing it again. He needed to keep Xavier close; that mean being on relatively friendly terms and that meant he couldn’t deny offers of friendship like this.
That and a more selfish part of his wants to spend some time with Xavier before he remembers. The only person who’d ever listened to him and talked with him like that and Pierce doesn’t want to give that up just yet. Not at all really, but that wasn’t a notion he allowed himself to entertain.
“... I’d like that.”
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Post by Rampage/Xavier Goodkind on Mar 3, 2012 19:27:24 GMT -5
There's a slight clenching in his chest as Pierce starts to speak, but then he accepts Xavier's offer. He'd like it even! Suddenly the world seems a lot brighter, and his heart flutters in his chest.
Turning back over onto his back, he grins up at the ceiling. "Then I'll see you tomorrow."
He refrains from saying 'It's a date' this time.
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Post by Phobia/Pierce Fobster on Mar 3, 2012 20:56:24 GMT -5
“Okay,” Pierce says, voice small. After a moment he adds a quieter, “Thank you.” And then after a long moment he quietly ends the call with a click. He’ll spend the rest of the night sleepless and curled up under his blanket, awaiting the next day.
Of course, that does nothing for his appearance when he comes back to work the next day. Niels stares at him and makes a remark about a zombie outbreak. The miserable stare that he earns makes the man cough awkwardly and disappear behind the desk for the rest of the day. Miranda spends a full thirty minutes fussing over him much to Pierce’s increased misery-but-too-polite-to-denyness.
And then Xavier arrives halfway through the day and... it’s not so miserable anymore. During lunch break, Pierce goes through the indignity of utterly not caring about how he looked scarfing down the promised stupidly delicious soup while Xavier watched.
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Post by Rampage/Xavier Goodkind on Mar 3, 2012 21:19:09 GMT -5
Unlike Pierce, Xavier feels extremely well-rested. He spent the rest of Saturday on cloud nine, making Pierce's soup, trying not to grin like an idiot through work. And then he'd dreamed of murder. A thousand deaths beneath his hands, and oh, how he showed them all in that dream. He showed them all.
Pierce's haggard appearance makes him feel protective, and he hovers closer to the librarian than usual through the afternoon, beaming as Pierce thoroughly enjoys his soup, making a total pest of himself by insisting on helping with simple library tasks. He has not a care in the world, because he's with his chosen companion once more. He sticks like glue to Pierce's side until it's time to leave, and trails after him out of the building.
"It's my night off," Xavier says, explaining we he came late and stayed late. He glances over at Pierce. "Did you... want to do something?"
He doesn't want this day to end!
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Post by Phobia/Pierce Fobster on Mar 4, 2012 13:41:56 GMT -5
Pausing in the middle of digging out his keys, Pierce peers blankly up at Xavier for a moment before understanding the question. Mostly, he just wants to go home and collapse; there was only so much fretting induced energy to go through before he’d burn out and he definitely didn’t want to do so under Xavier’s watch. It would be burdensome to the young man and Pierce had already caused him enough trouble.
That and there was that whole issue of attempting to maintain emotional distance. He knows what Xavier wants. There’s only so much self-delusion an empath can go through before the answer comes smacking him in the face for the rest of the day in form of a red-headed lost puppy. He can feel the younger man’s utter joy at just spending the day with him; he knows what it is. You don’t even need empathy to know what it was, going by Miranda’s amused looks throughout the day.
Feeling the weight of reality settling heavily back on his shoulders again, Pierce tiredly draws himself up. He has to stem the infatuation at the very least; sigma knows how hard it was going to be without driving the other away entirely though.
“Xavier,” he begins softly, and then pauses, struggling with how he would be able to delicately dash the other’s dreams and hopes without breaking too many things. “I really... I can’t...” It was the problem with never being wanted. You’ve never had the chance to learn to how to say ‘no’ to it.
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Post by Rampage/Xavier Goodkind on Mar 4, 2012 14:18:30 GMT -5
'I can't' isn't 'no' and surely Pierce is just being shy, because he's a nervous little man or because of how their last 'outing' ended. He just needs to be convinced, and Xavier is perfectly willing to coax him.
Xavier leans lightly against the back of Pierce's scooter as they reach it, casually making it difficult for Pierce to just mount up and leave. He gives the other man a rakish grin, and says, "Of course you can! We can catch a movie or something, away from any collapsing buildings."
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Post by Phobia/Pierce Fobster on Mar 4, 2012 14:40:08 GMT -5
“But... but.. that’s a date,” Pierce finishes lamely rubbing his forearm. Inwardly Phobia notes that little move on the scooter there and damn that clever smug bastard. “I am very thankful for your companionship these past few weeks. You’ve done so much for me.”
He quietly ducks his head after that though, gesticulating awkwardly, “But I have already told you companionship of that manner is not... feasible between us. Or recommended.” He needs to tell Xavier something somehow. He needs Rampage to remember before this... this thing gets anywhere. The words are at the tip of his lips, all the explanations for why this couldn’t happen and shouldn’t be happening, but they dissolve before Pierce can speak them and he’s left with nothing yet again.
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Post by Rampage/Xavier Goodkind on Mar 4, 2012 15:03:03 GMT -5
Xavier has a glib response on the tip of his tongue, that they don't have to call it a date, it can just be an 'outing', but Pierce keeps talking and the grin falls off his face. His fingers clench, one hand digging into the muscle of his thigh, the fingernails of the other scraping against the paint of Pierce's scooter. He straightens slightly, challengingly, bringing him just a little bit closer to Pierce's eye-level.
"Why not?" he asks, tightness creeping into his voice as his throat clenches. Don't panic, Xavier, he can still fix this, Pierce isn't even rejecting him completely, he's just nervous about change. Don't get angry. "You like me-" Pierce just said so! He's thankful for his companionship! "-I like you. What else matters?"
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Post by Phobia/Pierce Fobster on Mar 4, 2012 16:00:46 GMT -5
Pierce shakes his head quietly, feeling Xavier’s emotions just at the edges of his senses and he wants to reach out. He lifts his hands to touch Xavier’s face, to untangle the growing knots of panic and desperation and smooth them into his earlier contentedness and make everything better again.
But he stops himself halfway and closes his hands. When he looks up again, it’s as Phobia, the dutiful and loyal Decepticon and the one who has every reason to fear the man in front of him. “There’s a lot we need to talk about.” He pauses to glance around the parking lot and at the people milling around them before looking back to Xavier. “Not now, but soon, and somewhere safer.”
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Post by Rampage/Xavier Goodkind on Mar 4, 2012 16:25:55 GMT -5
Eyes widening slightly, Xavier leans towards Pierce's raised hands like a plant straining towards the sun, a slight flush staining his freckled cheeks. He chokes back a noise of disappointment, brows knitting together in confusion.
"What? What are you talking about?" Somewhere safer? Why would they-? The world spins a little and Xavier pushes up from the scooter, standing straight. "Do you... know something about me?"
But how could Pierce know anything if they've never met before, Pierce was insistent that they'd never met before, despite that inescapable sense of familiarity... Xavier's temper flares with confusion and suspicion and maybe a little hurt and a little denial, and his green eyes flash as his scrunches into a scowl.
"Why not now?" he demands. Pierce can't just reject him and say something like that and then expect Xavier to just let him walk off! "I have time. You should have time! Let's go, my house, your house. Would that be safe enough?"
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Post by Phobia/Pierce Fobster on Mar 4, 2012 18:02:47 GMT -5
“There isn’t a place in the world that’s going to be safe for me when you remember,” Phobia murmurs softly, picking the crash helmet off the handlebar and putting it on. The darkness of the visor gives him some comfort, makes it easier to press back the terror and longing into some more manageable part of his mind.
“I’ll a find some where safe.” He’s not going to let Rampage into his house and he certainly walking into the Predacon’s territory. Things were going to be on his terms and they will both be away from prying eyes and ears and he will know all the exit routes. If Xavier remembers when Phobia tells him the truth then at least he has a chance to escape Rampage. “I’ll tell you tomorrow. We’ll meet there then if all goes according to plan.”
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Post by Rampage/Xavier Goodkind on Mar 4, 2012 18:27:37 GMT -5
"Remember what?" Xavier snaps, eyes wild. He hasn't forgotten anything! Other than learning how to drive, and going to school to be a cook, and- and- It was so easy to forget what he'd forgotten when things were good, worries slipping away into routine.
Tomorrow, Pierce says. He can't wait until tomorrow! Pierce might as well have pushed him into the sea during a storm, unsteady as he feels right now. Xavier reaches out desperately, tries to grab a hold of Pierce's jacket. "Pierce-?!"
Don't go! Don't go, don't go, he won't beg, but he doesn't want Pierce to go!
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Post by Phobia/Pierce Fobster on Mar 4, 2012 18:56:14 GMT -5
The grab for his jacket makes Phobia stop. He stares at Xavier for a long, long moment, this young human standing terrified and lost in front of him. Despite everything, Pierce finds himself gently embracing the younger man, feeling vaguely as if the world was falling apart around them again.
The visor hides his emotions, stops him from burying his face in Xavier’s red hair, but it’s all he’s willing to let himself have anyways. He can’t have Xavier and no amount of wistful thinking or clinging was going to change that. Pierce just hopes, desperately, that this enough to pull the younger man through the night.
“Tomorrow,” he whispers before gently trying to pulling away. “Please just wait until then.”
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Post by Rampage/Xavier Goodkind on Mar 4, 2012 19:18:27 GMT -5
Xavier freezes as Pierce's arms wrap around him, stunned. This was somehow different than when he'd wrapped his own arms around Pierce, and so strangely unfamiliar. Has he never been embraced in his life? In his dreams he is nothing, and no-one cares for nothings. He can't remember-
His roiling emotions are temporarily dampened beneath a rush of heat, a flutter in his chest, a flush in his cheeks, a quickening of break, and Xavier is startled enough that Pierce pulls away before he can react, leaving him feeling longing and empty.
In defense he drops his head and glares up through his bangs, takes a step back, then another. Softly he accuses, "You lied."
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Post by Phobia/Pierce Fobster on Mar 4, 2012 19:57:01 GMT -5
“I didn’t know at the time. Or at least I wasn’t sure,” Pierce say explains softly, his harms settling awkwardly at his sides again. “Not until the meta-fight.”
He stares at Xavier for a moment longer before quietly turning away and knocking the parking stand back into place before getting on the scooter. He slides the key into the ignition and the small vehicle starts up with its usual well maintained little rumble but he doesn’t go just yet.
“Please take care of yourself,” he says quietly over his shoulder, grip tightening around the handlebar hard enough to hurt. Then he quietly backs the scooter out of its parking spot and turns to drive off.
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