Nimbus Tsura
Major
Secretary to Mr. Breakaway
Sky-Painter Extraordinaire
Posts: 735
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Post by Nimbus Tsura on Mar 26, 2012 21:08:10 GMT -5
"You didn't want to know who I was. You wouldn't have seen me if not for her meddling," Nimbus says flatly, staring at the door, his arms stretched above his head and flat against it.
The muscles of his back ripple under his shirt, looking for actuators he no longer has.
"You're right that you aren't the same. I like to hope that Mirage wouldn't have made excuses like this." Nimbus turns, sees Addison again, and falls to his knees. He gasps for air, hands clawing at his throat.
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Post by Mirage on Mar 26, 2012 21:32:54 GMT -5
Excuses? That's all Skyblast hears? Addison's expression hardens slightly and he opens his mouth to say something that would certainly not help the situation.
Then Nimbus collapses.
Addison eyes widen and he quickly closes the distance between himself and the painter. He reacts the way anyone seeing a loved one stricken ill would react, attempting to hold Nimbus up and keep him from collapsing fully. As Addison murmurs out a stream of words that basically amount to I love you, I'm sorry, you'll be all right, and don't you dare die on me over and over again, the model digs in his pocket for his phone and starts scrolling through numbers for the set medics, not giving a damn how this will look to the press, the tabloids, or anyone else.
Addison has no idea that he may be what's causing the episode.
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Nimbus Tsura
Major
Secretary to Mr. Breakaway
Sky-Painter Extraordinaire
Posts: 735
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Post by Nimbus Tsura on Mar 26, 2012 21:38:34 GMT -5
Nimbus tries to knock the phone out of Addison's hands, panting and staring wide-eyed at Addison's feet. He wheezes out, "I'm fine. Better than I deserve. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have worried you."
The look in his eyes is concerned, upset at himself that he made Addison worry, and vaguely bordering on the worship of the divine.
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Post by Mirage on Mar 26, 2012 22:07:10 GMT -5
His phone is knocked from his hand and sent sliding across the trailer floor and under the loveseat. Addison is about to go diving for it when Nimbus speaks. The words confuse the model at first, so opposite to Nimbus's earlier feelings they are. As realization dawns, Addison begins to grow rather ill.
Addison hugs the painter close. His fingers stroke through that fine blonde hair as he buries his head against Nimbus's neck. Addison is shaking slightly with sobs he isn't allowing himself to vocalize for fear of what they might do to Nimbus.
He finally leans back enough to look at Nimbus. Addison cradles Nimbus's face in his hands and gives the painter a sweet, lingering kiss.
"My dear, sweet, darling Skyblast. I love you so much. And I know you love me, or did. But you don't mean those words. Not right now. You're too angry with me to mean them, and I would rather lose you than force you to love me."
That speech, those words, are unquestionably from Mirage and not Addison Payne.
OOC: Cuddling with permission
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Nimbus Tsura
Major
Secretary to Mr. Breakaway
Sky-Painter Extraordinaire
Posts: 735
|
Post by Nimbus Tsura on Mar 26, 2012 22:20:20 GMT -5
Nimbus is completely unresistant and allows Addison to handle him as he will. His eyes roll back into his head in something like sheer bliss, his body shuddering.
The words make him snap back into focus, and he begs, "No, no, no! I know that I have been ungrateful, unworthy, churlish - but please believe me. Of course I love you. Please don't make me go."
Wasn't he trying to walk out just a moment ago?
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Post by Mirage on Mar 26, 2012 22:40:18 GMT -5
Addison almost gives in to Nimbus's entreaties and relents. Addison wants to give in. Distantly, a part of him is glorying in the way the painter begs for his touch, burns for him. Becoming aware of that sickens Addison even more.
"Sweetheart...."
He strokes Nimbus's hair again, brushes a kiss against Nimbus's lips, and says, "Skyblast. I want you to sit right here. I am going to go across the room. Several feet away. I am going to turn my back to you so you can't see my expression. If you still want to stay once you are more yourself, I'll not make you leave."
"But if you want to leave, I won't stop you this time, either."
Addison then does exactly as above, his arms crossed over his chest to help keep the shakes he's feeling from becoming too apparent. He has never wished for a lover to leave him so much as he does now, and never feared that leaving so much either. That's how much he loves Skyblast.
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Nimbus Tsura
Major
Secretary to Mr. Breakaway
Sky-Painter Extraordinaire
Posts: 735
|
Post by Nimbus Tsura on Mar 26, 2012 22:53:38 GMT -5
Nimbus burns and he freezes in turns. He does as he is told, more collapsing on his knees than properly sitting. As Addison moves away, his heart slowly stop pounding, and the tight ache in his chest eases. Nimbus still wants to please Addison, but his thoughts are slightly more his own now. He rubs his head and pulls himself into a more dignified kneel.
He reasons, "I do need to talk to Shahar. She was out of line. I apologise for her behaviour. That can wait until I'm off work, though."
Nimbus cannot quite yet answer Addison or address those issues. The fog hasn't lifted entirely.
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Post by Mirage on Mar 26, 2012 23:09:18 GMT -5
It is good that Addison can't see Nimbus kneeling to him as if Addison is Nimbus's liege lord. The sight might well make that lunch which has been threatening to return to finally come back up.
"Don't apologize for it. I pointed out that you would not be happy with her when she confessed she was visiting me without your knowledge. She was prepared to accept that risk, because she could not stand to see you unhappy, and because she knows me well enough to know that I would never wish you to be so."
Addison continues to face the wall, body stiff. He is steadfastly ignoring the tears which have started to trickle down his cheeks.
"It must... it must be because we do care so much for each other that it affects you this badly. Because we've been truly intimate," he says almost to himself. Addison doesn't really know the particulars of the various sidhe, to make the connection of creativity. "Rodney isn't affected like this, though he's admitted he finds me attractive. Nor Shahar, and she and I do share some intimacy, though not physical."
"I'm so sorry to have done this to you, Skyblast. I didn't realize."
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Nimbus Tsura
Major
Secretary to Mr. Breakaway
Sky-Painter Extraordinaire
Posts: 735
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Post by Nimbus Tsura on Mar 26, 2012 23:15:22 GMT -5
The leanan sidhe, in particular, is known for burning out artists and bringing them to early deaths.
"I don't care if she visits you for her own reasons. That's a choice she has to make on her own," Nimbus says dismissively, "It is not what I would choose, and I would definitely not choose to be spoken for."
He closes his eyes and tries to focus on what he meant to say before his brain was so magnificently derailed. "Addison, I... don't know how to put this and not make you defensive. Slag. That was probably a bad opener."
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Post by Mirage on Mar 26, 2012 23:29:03 GMT -5
Addison's arms are still crossed tightly. He rolls his shoulders up and back, trying to release some of the tension in his muscles. Trying and failing.
Addison. It occurs to him that he doesn't think Nimbus has referred to him as Mirage during all of this, not once, except to vehemently state that Addison is not like him. Addison- Mirage- looks at Nimbus and sees only Skyblast. Nimbus does not see the Mirage in him.
"Just say it, Nimbus, whatever it is. This far away, I should not be able to cloud your mind again, no matter how negative it may be."
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Nimbus Tsura
Major
Secretary to Mr. Breakaway
Sky-Painter Extraordinaire
Posts: 735
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Post by Nimbus Tsura on Mar 26, 2012 23:49:56 GMT -5
Mirage paid attention to Skyblast. Addison has gone out of his way to not pay attention to Nimbus. Is it any wonder that Nimbus would treat them as separate people?
Nimbus greedily sucks in a gulp of air and explains, "I think you mean it when you say that you love me, but I don't think what you mean is what I want. We're running on different definitions. To me... I would expect that you'd want to know who I am, because... AllSpark, what if a firefight broke out on the set?" That is an odd thing for him to say, but Nimbus has been trying to be more of a responsible Autobot. "Besides, you know that I don't fear my own death. Not really. You know I wouldn't mind if you put me in danger. So when you say that you are too public profile, it sounds like excuses to me."
He shudders. This is hard to say. He does not want to say these words to this lovely creature.
"I'm not jealous of you and Mr. Pryor. I wish you well. What upsets me is that you sought me out of guilt, not desire. You turn everything inside-out to put it on my head. If you want me, you need to pay attention to me. If you don't pay attention to me, I'm going to assume that you don't want me. You can't just ignore me and then come to me to absolve you of your own guilt and expect that I'll just come running. I know that we never agreed to any conditions. If you want to leave without saying a word, that's fine. You're well within your rights."
He pauses.
"However, if I decide that I want some communication in my life, there is nothing to stop me from asking. I know we are at war. You could be gone behind enemy lines for centuries at a time or longer, but this isn't like that. You could have sent a letter. Nothing stopped you but your own lack of desire."
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Post by Mirage on Mar 27, 2012 0:27:40 GMT -5
Nimbus is right, at least about them running on different definitions. Addison does not mean to "turn things about" to blame Nimbus. Addison really does not feel he did wrong. His reasons for not contacting Nimbus are just as valid as Nimbus's expectations that there should have been contact.
Therein lies the crux of the problem.
"If a firefight broke out on set, I would be cowering behind cover, because the playboy Addison Payne only plays an action hero. He isn't an actual action hero," Addison says very bitterly, as he rolls his shoulders again.
"I should have contacted you. I will concede the point. But I'll not concede it without making a few things quite clear."
"I meant well. I truly believed- and I still believe- that knowing who you are, when I was specifically told you were trying to not call attention to yourself is dangerous. You may not care about your life, but I do, and if you cannot understand how that influences my actions than you do not know me so well as I thought.
"I was not told about your predicament. Had I been, I would have acted differently." Addison Payne could totally pay for the best fake ID and background on the market if needed.
"I did not contact you out of guilt. I contacted you because I wanted to. Because knowing your name made it impossible for me to avoid searching you out any longer. So long as I didn't know, I could tell myself I could live without having you so long as you were near. Did she make me feel like a terrible heel? Yes, she did. But Skyblast," Addison's voice grows more arrogant, more Mirage-like, "I am a noble, prideful and arrogant, and I have had people I have cared for think much worse of me, and I have shrugged it off as small loss."
"You. Are Not. Small Loss. As much as I love you, do not dare to presume that I did not or do not desire you."
Addison's shoulders sag, and he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand.
"But even if you wanted me now, I couldn't have you. I'll not make you into some sort of slave to my pleasure, an addict to my touch." No matter how easy it would be or how that odd little part of his non-human brain now seems to want it.
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Nimbus Tsura
Major
Secretary to Mr. Breakaway
Sky-Painter Extraordinaire
Posts: 735
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Post by Nimbus Tsura on Mar 27, 2012 0:45:20 GMT -5
Nimbus's breaths are shallow and ragged. A part of his head thinks that Addison is acting like a spoiled, entitled brat who wants to have his cake and eat it, too, but isn't that what Mirage is, too? The rest of him is horrified for thinking such a thing about such a vision.
"You didn't ask about my predicament," Nimbus says quietly. He sucks in another breath and then says louder, "If you mean what you say, then show me. Write me." His voice turns bitter. "Or do you not want to know where I live?"
Letters sufficed for Abelard and Heloise.
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Post by Mirage on Mar 27, 2012 9:57:51 GMT -5
Mirage is most certainly an entitled spoiled brat, and one who has never had to explain himself to a lover, never begged a lover as much as he has Skyblast. If he and Skyblast were having this conversation as their true selves, it might go very differently. At the moment though, Mirage is more human than nobility, and the idea of losing someone who has become a vital part of his life is almost enough to strip his pride totally from him. Almost.
The suggestion of writing letters of all things make Addison tense. Hardcopy? Addressed to Nimbus? People go through Addison's mail all the time, no matter how many measures he takes against it. How can Nimbus not understand that Addison is trying to protect him?
"You live with Shahar," he says stiffly. No, Addison doesn't know the address, because he wouldn't let Shahar tell him.
Addison jerks his head toward his left. "There's a notepad and pen on the desk."
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Nimbus Tsura
Major
Secretary to Mr. Breakaway
Sky-Painter Extraordinaire
Posts: 735
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Post by Nimbus Tsura on Mar 27, 2012 11:45:12 GMT -5
Mirage was less of a flake to Skyblast, though, so if they were their true selves, they might not be having this conversation, anyway.
"I don't have an e-mail," Nimbus explains, "Can't afford internet, and I know too much to trust stolen wireless or library computers. I have a trackphone, but that's just for official Autobot business. I think they may have made some more secure commlinks." Nightbeat asked Pincher about those, anyway, not that Nimbus would know the specifics. "I'll have to ask Mr. Pryor about getting my hands on one of those."
His eyes narrow and glance sidelong. Addison is just going to say that he can't risk having one of those, too, isn't he?
Nimbus stands slowly, without any sudden movements, and he takes care not to look at Addison as he walks over to the desk. He writes out his address and his phone number in Cybertronian glyphs, just assuming that Addison still remembers how to read them. Then he tears off the piece of paper and folds it neatly, so that the contents do not show.
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